Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
