I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
