Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
