# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my shit smells like andre
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
