im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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