i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
