she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
