I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize