Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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