Sry I called you an 8
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize