I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
