I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
