Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
