Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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