NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
