4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
