I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
