Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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