I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
