i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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