party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
