So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
