I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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