I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
