He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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