if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
