I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
