Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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