i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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