speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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