dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
