Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rumble strips road head = magical
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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