lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
