Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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