she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
