Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
