The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
