How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
