I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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