About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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