Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
