dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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