then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
