Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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