I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize