Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
