oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
