thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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