We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
