just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
