your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
