Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
