I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
