I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
