woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
