I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
