The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
