She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
