margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
