carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
