Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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