I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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