i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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