your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize