Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A bitchslap is in order.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
