I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
