I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i'm inner monologue high
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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