sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
