But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
