do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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