you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
