i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
