return my video game
im drinking this country out of the recession.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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