true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she smelled like a LAN party
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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