When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
