Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
try to milk me bitch
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