Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The air was thick with penises
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
