Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
