God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
